Love Letters: Goodbye, Handsome

To celebrate the love, care and romance in the air that only February can bring, the APB Writers' Team decided to write up their very own Love Letters! We asked our talented writers to dedicate their works of art to anyone they wanted - be it their family, their loved ones, their significant others, to themselves or even to you readers! So, here are the entries we have for you!

LOVE LETTERS

Goodbye, Handsome

by: Anonymous

Dear Handsome,

It took me a while to adjust not having you home. I’m trying not to exaggerate but honestly, days with you were like rays of sunshine, cosy and warm, gently hitting my skin. Don’t you remember the times we’d crawl into the duvet and cuddle up to watch movies effortlessly? The times we had our lunches together or the times we’d catch sunsets by the window, jamming to some heavy hip-hop figuring out what they were rapping? Don’t you remember the many times we acted silly and danced and chuckled our hearts out? Or our late-night conversations by the balcony? And how we could talk for hours about anything and everything? Don’t you remember the time you pushed me in the shopping cart all the way to the car because I was too tired?  Or the time we moved in and redecorated the room a gazillion times only to be back to square one? We had so many wonderful bittersweet memories together.

How did it all go vicious and cruel? How could it all turn sour and cold?  What happened to us? I thought we were a team. A solid one too – well, perhaps not. My head is spinning –  throbbing, in fact – flashbacks of us slapping me in the face. I’m recalling it all, and it hurts. It feels exactly like my heart was ripped out of my chest, slit with painful cuts and shoved into the dirt. So, this is my letter to you – for me, too. I promised I’d love you far, and I’d love you near. I’d love you through it all.

You broke me, tested me, consoled me, touched me. How could you throw me away like that? Do you know how I felt when you texted me, saying it was all over? How could you drop us? It was silly of me, wasn’t it? To have given it all to you when you had never given us a chance? I waited for you to come back, to come home. I gave you my time, my unconditional love and support, myself and my dreams. I let you in, only for you to peel me, layer by layer, until I bled.

I understand there were days when it must had been too hard for you to take me in. I apologise, my love. I guess I wasn’t clear enough. I cannot help it I had greeted you with openness and joy on some days, and other days – when it was exceptionally hard on me – I brought my walls up, so I could feel that I was capable of protecting myself, and that wasn’t your fault. For not being able to understand it, for fearing and doubting me. I have no words to express what it feels like to be bipolar. I don’t blame you. Occasionally there are days when I don’t even know who I am. Yet, I find myself coming home to you and remaining true.

But that was it, I suppose. Who would want a damaged good, right? I tried everything, and now I’m alone. I am alone because I was the one who allowed you in. When I was well aware that you were incapable to love another. I was way too stubborn, and I practically missed all the signs. I loved you wholeheartedly, I stood by you as a kind and loving woman, as your woman and this was it. It came to this – a text message.

Wasn’t it all enough, wasn’t everything enough? Wasn’t it enough to make you stay? Sometimes, I would still find myself helplessly lingering around in your scent, going through beautiful happy videos and pictures. Call me sentimental, but I just cannot let such a question go. How could you give up on me, my love? Just like that, over so much anger. Was it worth feeding your ego to leave me so helplessly? So, my love, thank you for loving me and my flaws, for leaving me. Thank you for loving us enough to let us go and heal. I will not speak of you but only fondly if necessary and I wish you well. For years to come. I hope the world sees all the beautiful things I saw in you because it was worth the stay. I grant you my sincerest forgiveness, only so I give myself the closure and love I deserve.