A Letter to the High School Memories
I don't look back at you fondly.
I may have had the time of my life, goofing around with my friends of both seniors, peers and juniors alike, but reflecting upon those times once I've left school - that's something entirely different.
Really, the most prominent of you are the emotionally scarring ones.
You taught me to never hold expectations too high for myself, especially if it wasn't totally guaranteed. People have always told me how I would fulfil those expectations, and they had the same ones of me. Realising I couldn't destroyed me, left me a tomb of failure and self-depreciation to lie in.
Then, you taught me to fight back.
You taught me that arrogance would lead to immense disappointment. You taught me that pettiness was something I had to overcome. I remember consciously choosing to be petty. The people who had witnessed what I had become after being depressed for so long - I couldn't show them that I succumbed. I had to retaliate somehow.
So I wiped the tears away, the ones that I remember that kept flowing and flowing, and took a new stand. A brave stand. A stand that I had control over, and had tried over and over to not let my emotions hinder me from turning over a new leaf.
It was a struggle.
You taught me that at whatever point in life I could be in, no matter who I was or what I had or had not achieved, the biggest room in life was the room for improvement. There was always something I knew I could fix, and that I could always be a better version of myself everyday. Who I was today could be better than yesterday, and who I'll be tomorrow could be better than today. The mistakes I made, which I'm certain were plentiful, were all part of growing up - and I haven't stopped, and I will never stop growing.
As long as I have time in this world, there will always be things to learn.
Sure, I loved being with the people who laughed with me, cried with me, helped keep my pride in check, made me learn something about myself I was too blind (or oblivious) to see. And sure, there may have been one or two people who I felt would make me the cause of a problem, but I'll probably never see them for quite a while. You taught me to focus especially on the people who truly cared about me, no matter what questionable actions I may do or the motives behind them.
Most importantly, you taught me that there is truly no being more powerful or more knowledgable than God. It was a long journey to learn that whatever He had bestowed upon me, whether I liked it or not, was the best for me and I had to accept it. I had to rely on Him, and I knew that I had to trust in His plans for me, whatever they may be. There was no use in worrying what tomorrow may bring me - whatever happens to me, it's because He willed it.
All that you have given me, past the heartache and tears, were these valuable lessons I couldn't have ever imagined learning, for me to cherish and live by till the day I draw my final breath. I may cringe and relive certain memories at just the wrong words, but having endured all of them was worth my time in high school.
And for that, I am eternally grateful. Thank you.
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